the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
