Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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