The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize