Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
