Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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