Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
