we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
