note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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