my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The Olympian is in my bed
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
