Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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