My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
