no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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