You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
