my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
