ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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