found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
