I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
