What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
