this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
