At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
