Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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