margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
