At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
