can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
