Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
