Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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