do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
