What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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