She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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