at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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