Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
