I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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