Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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