No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
