For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
