Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
