I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
