im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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