you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
