was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
