I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
