You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize