If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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