god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
