she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
