As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
