i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize