If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
