The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My pussy is not your playground.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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