something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
