Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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