I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
