I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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