I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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