Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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