The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
