Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
