i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
