well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
