I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
