RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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