Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
