Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
