I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
