He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
