I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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