Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
