She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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