Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
