he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
