oh god the rape fog is back!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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