You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
