You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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