Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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