I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
