I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
