elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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