i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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