I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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