I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
