Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
