Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize