So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
