then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
