He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
